It was not easy to see him. A policeman was standing right between us, refusing to budge. I - like many others - had to slide down the bench I was sitting on and then, through the wooden fence that enclosed the dock, I caught a glimpse of him. The reality of the situation struck me. The disbelieving murmurs in the courtroom were indeed true.

On Day 40 of the trial, Ajmal Amir Kasab, the 21-year-old Pakistani caught for the 26/11 Mumbai attack, had finally broken down.

Perhaps, he is India's most hated prisoner. Accused of killing 166 people and injuring 234 others. The charges? Grave. Waging war against India, murder, kidnapping, possessing illegal weapons and ammunition, indulging in terrorist activities...

The list of 82 charges goes on. But the man in question, however, remains unfazed.

Rather, remained unfazed. Until the morning of Day 40. Till then, we knew a very different Kasab.

Sample this:

• Every day, he entered the courtroom with a deliberate swagger, almost proud of the posse of security personnel that surrounded him. A courteous bow to the judge is enough to confirm one's respect for the judiciary. But a cocky "Good Morning" was how Kasab greeted the judge
• Then, a studied look at the media, followed by a grin, which silently screamed, "All eyes are on me!"
• When a policeman belonging to the Mumbai Police Armoury was struggling to open an AK-47 rifle in court, this is how Kasab reacted: palm on forehead, nodding his head, unable to believe that a cop couldn't even dismantle a kalash. His body language almost suggesting he was itching to offer help and display the skills he learnt back home!
• On several occasions, Kasab was caught laughing in court. Judge M L Tahiliyani does not suffer fools. He blasted him.
• But the lad from Faridkot, Pakistan won't stop. When a witness was explaining how slain constable Tukaram Ombale risked his life and jumped on Kasab with just a lathi in hand, once again Kasab was caught sniggering.

It was this Kasab we saw every day. Despite the obvious arrogance, what happened on Day 40 was only expected.  Just that we didn't know when it would happen.

The cracks became apparent when Kasab wrote a letter to the judge in Urdu in which he pleaded for relaxation of jail rules. He asked the court if he could be allowed to walk outside his cell for a while every day. The letter ending with a grim warning: the conditions in the jail were too tough and the chances were high that "I could lose my mental balance."

Perhaps, repeated warnings not to make a mockery of the trial also had its effect. Kasab no longer laughs in court. Nor does he glance as much at the media. Quiet and grim. That's how he now is.

But the larger question is - whether Kasab is really breaking down or is he putting up a front? At times deceiving the world with his child-like giggles, at others weeping before the world?

Special Public Prosecutor Ujjwal Nikam would like us to believe that Kasab has been trained really well by his Lashkar-e-Toiba mentors. So well that this 21-year-old can - apart from lobbing grenades and firing indiscriminately - act and also cry at will.

Kasab's lawyer, Abbas Kazmi, on the other hand, insists "Kasab kuch samajhta nahin hain court mein kya ho raha hain."

But these are extremes I refuse to buy:

• Yes, Kasab is shrewd and sly
• Yes, he - more or less - does follow court proceedings. (Though he doesn't know English)
• Yes, he is arrogant and makes fun of a serious terrorism trial.

But it is also probably true that he is not as "hardcore" a terrorist as Nikam claims. He may have undergone intensive training that lasted several days, without water and food and in treacherous conditions. (Though his wiry body betrays even that). But it is highly unlikely the man can act and shed "crocodile tears" as Nikam claims. That is taking it too far.

Kasab is just another recruit from a village in Pakistan. A young boy, who was probably brainwashed, promised money and jannat if he did what he was told. He was ready to die and be hailed a 'martyr'. But unfortunately for him, he got caught.

The initial denial we saw in court is now waning. Truth is: what his custody with the Mumbai police couldn't achieve, the loneliness of solitary confinement in enemy country, probably has.

And that is why, that day is not too far when a tired and fed-up Kasab could do what he refused to do earlier - confess that he was the one the world saw brandishing an AK-47 on 26/11.