- Relationship dynamics change significantly from dating to marriage due to responsibilities and challenges
- Marriage often reveals hidden traits like emotional unavailability and poor conflict resolution skills
- Experts say that consistency, shared responsibilities, and emotional maturity are crucial for marital bliss
"Boyfriend toh tab bhi theek tha main, par husband toh bahaut he bura nikla main [I was an okay-ish boyfriend, but I turned out to be a bad husband]," said Aarav, played by Lakshya Lalwani, in Chand Mera Dil.
The story revolves around a young couple - Chandni (played by Ananya Panday) and Aarav - who meet in college, fall in love, and get married, following an unexpected pregnancy while they are in their early 20s and in college.
The result? Soon life catches up with them and responsibilities make Aarav resent Chandni. When she gets placed but he struggles, they fight, he charges at her in the heat of the moment, she leaves the house with their daughter, Kavyya, and they get separated even before celebrating their first wedding anniversary.
After divorce, as they both move on with their lives, Aarav realises that he unfairly blamed Chandni for his struggles, and all they should have done was wait, communicate, work hard, and things might have worked out.
On Chandni's engagement with her colleague, he tells her, reflecting on their relationship, that he was a 'good boyfriend', but turned out to be a 'bad husband'.
The movie explores the complex dynamics in a relationship when responsibilities, the everyday chaos of life, parenting, and struggles with jobs become more important, and love takes the backseat. For men and women, dating or the honeymoon phase is often the most cherished aspect of any relationship, but when two people marry, the transition from a boyfriend/ girlfriend to a spouse is challenging.
Chand Mera Dil, released on May 22, is an intense and dramatic portrayal of how a relationship breaks under the weight of responsibilities and an unplanned pregnancy. This article, however, explores why many individuals, particularly men, excel during dating but struggle in marriage. It also features insights from five Indian women, who share their perspectives and personal experiences.
Dating Vs Marriage
Shalini Singh, Founder of AndWeMet and relationship clarity guide, told NDTV, that rewards in dating and marriage are different. "Dating is often about attraction, effort, romance, and creating memorable moments. Marriage is about consistency, shared responsibilities, conflict resolution, and showing up for each other day after day," she said, adding that it's not just a men's issue.
Dr Munia Bhattacharya, Senior Consultant, Psychology, Marengo Asia Hospitals, Gurugram, added that people struggle with developing the emotional maturity needed for a daily partnership. "A good boyfriend knows how to create moments. A good husband knows how to sustain them," she said.
Both experts agree that marriage often reveals hidden traits. Marriage is like a psychological stress test, and traits like emotional unavailability, avoidant attachment patterns, poor conflict resolution skills, entitlement, control issues, poor boundaries, or inability to share responsibilities may remain hidden during the courtship period and pile up when two people are married.
"When life gets real, finances, family responsibilities, health challenges, career setbacks, or unexpected changes, either person can struggle or rise to the occasion," Shalini Singh said, adding that a regression in a relationship can be observed irrespective of the stage of a relationship.
However, Dr Munia Bhattacharya noted that many women are raised to anticipate caregiving, emotional labour and adaptation. Hence, they frequently enter what psychologists call accelerated role adaptation, maturing quickly because the situation demands it.
How Can Couples Prevent Their Relationship From Falling Apart While Navigating The Ebb And Flow In Their Marriage
A relationship is between two people, and they need to work on it for it to thrive and survive the highs and lows of life. A counsellor can help, but there are limitations. Unless both parties are willing to work on their shortcomings, the ship is less likely to sail through a high tide.
"The healthiest couples understand that romance is not a phase; it is a practice. Emotional check-ins, appreciation rituals, shared responsibilities and intentional quality time protect relationships from becoming purely functional," Dr Munia Bhattacharya advised.
Shalini Singh added that the boyfriend to husband (or even girlfriend to wife) transition would only feel like a trap if the individual expects married life to look identical to dating. A relationship has to evolve as responsibilities grow.
The experts shared a few green flags that can indicate that your boyfriend would transition into a good husband. The list includes,
- Reliability
- Willingness to repair after a conflict
- Empathy
- Listening skills
- Accountability
- Treatment of vulnerability without fear of judgement
The relationship experts also noted that these green flags are also gender-neutral. Both individuals should look for these signs in their partners before they decide to take the eternal vow.
"The goal isn't to find someone who never struggles. It's to find someone willing to navigate life's challenges as a team," Shalini Singh concluded.
Women Shares Their Experience Of Marrying Their Boyfriends
Apart from experts, Indian women also shared their experiences of marrying their boyfriends. Garima Johar, 25, married Yash Anand, 26, four months ago after four years of dating. She said that her husband is a happy-go-lucky person, but she added, "Marriage has brought its own pressures: navigating change, managing expectations, being the bridge between his parents and me. We argue more now than we did in four years of dating."
"The best part is playing real-life ghar ghar and never having to sneak out for a late-night ice cream. The hardest part is self-censorship. I never knew I'd have to practice second-guessing thoughts about his family, his habits, his world, things I once said freely without a second thought," she told NDTV.
While nothing about marriage caught Garima off guard, she is slowly learning to adjust, which is an entirely different aspect. "Learning to build a shared rhythm while respecting each other's individual ones. Knowing when to let something go and when to bring it up, calmly, not explosively. Figuring out how to hold your own emotions when you're overwhelmed, without making the other person carry them - that's the ongoing project. We're still learning," she shared.
Kavita and Kush (names have been changed) have been married for a year. For Kavita, the best part about marrying her boyfriend is waking up next to him every morning and sharing those random hugs during the day. "These little moments mean so much to me," she added.
"Another thing: It is difficult to adjust in a family where your in-laws keep a timeline for everything and want to know everything happening in your life, from what to eat to whether you pooped," she joked.
Binita Samanta is a 27-year-old from Mumbai who married Tarun Das, also a 27-year-old, six months ago after dating for four years. Sharing how her boyfriend transitioned into a husband, she told NDTV, "One of the biggest changes I've noticed is the way he takes responsibility now. He was always caring and supportive when we were dating, but after marriage, I've seen him become much more thoughtful and accountable in everyday life."
But things change after marriage. When you start living with someone, the quirky habits of your partner can be irritating. "He has a habit of leaving little things for later, whether it's putting something back in its place or finishing a small task. When we were dating, it was cute because I only saw that carefree side of him occasionally," she shared.
However, the biggest adjustment for both of them has been their schedules. "After marriage, when you're sharing a home and managing responsibilities together, those differences become much more visible. We had to learn how to meet each other halfway, whereby I became a little more flexible and he became a little more proactive," she added.
Naina and Kabir (names have been changed) have been married for 13 years. The Delhi-based woman said that her boyfriend transitioned into a husband who is conscious about cleanliness and cooks frequently.
But she agreed that romance takes a backseat as life gets more complex and responsibilities grow with time. "He used to write poems and songs for me and plan thoughtful dates. Life got busier, so those grand romantic gestures have become less frequent," she shared with NDTV.
She also joked about her husband's laid-back approach to things, which had a charm when they were dating but now tests her patience when they are managing a household together.
Ekta Panjabi, a 33-year-old from Mumbai, has been married to Gaurav Panjabi, a 34-year-old, for seven years. For her, the best part about marriage is living her life with her best friend. "The hardest part is learning that love isn't just about the fun moments - it's also about patience, compromise, and teamwork," she noted.
While marriage has its ups and downs, parenthood brings its own set of challenges into a relationship. "Nothing prepares you for how much life changes overnight, but navigating sleepless nights, endless responsibilities, and watching our little one grow together has been the most challenging and rewarding journey of our lives," Ekta shared.
While dating, their idea of a perfect date was all about long drives and escaping the world. However, today it has transitioned to going for short drives, putting their daughter to sleep, and enjoying some uninterrupted time together.
The transition from dating to marriage is rarely easy for either men or women. Marriage can be complex, messy, and demanding, with no real way to fully prepare for what lies ahead. There is no fixed path to follow, but open communication and a willingness to navigate difficult phases together can help couples find their way forward.
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