Imphal: Gangarani Devi regrets that she can neither take care of her son's studies nor earn a living for her two children.
During childbirth she lost her vision. And in March 2008 she lost her husband in an alleged fake encounter in Imphal.
Deban Singh was ferrying passengers in his vehicle when the police opened fire and killed him in an encounter.
"I can't take care of my children well, I'm blind you see," she says.
According to reliable data, since 2006 there is clear evidence of at least 32 cases of alleged fake encounters in Manipur. No one has been put on trial or any enquiry conducted on these cases.
In any post conflict situation its people like Gangarani who are easily forgotten. Women and children are generally marginalised from reconciliation efforts. So the widows of Manipur's conflict have come together to help each other on a forum called Widows of Conflict.
"During bad times we stick teach other and try and help. So many people have died. Can't we stop this killing?" Gangarani asks.
Gangarani is not the only one. Hundreds of people in Manipur have been living through a reign of terror. It is pervaded every layer of the society and has even become a popular theme in Manipuri cinema. But what is dehumanizing is that the state actors are as fearsome as the non-state actors.