This Article is From Aug 30, 2014

Go Home Van Damme: You Do not Compete With Sir Rajinikanth

Go Home Van Damme: You Do not Compete With Sir Rajinikanth
It is a truth universally accepted that there are certain things in life, and on silver screen, that only Rajinikanth can do. Forget that red underwear-over-blue-tights alien hero. Forget radioactive spider-bite heroes. Forget everything, and just remember this: anything superheroes can do, Rajinikanth can do better. He is a superhero with no limits.

For years, though, Hollywood has tried it's best to upstage The Man, only to fall flat on its face. And when we say Hollywood, we especially mean to point our accusatory fingers at one man - Jean-Claude Van Damme. A split atop two trucks, sir? Really? You copied Ajay Devgn's entry scene from Phool aur Kaante and thought it would be cool? 

For those who've been living on another planet with no reception of the ET-Earth spy network, we mean this split:

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Of course, Rajini Sir answered the man with a finality that would have crushed anyone else. A mid-air split on top of two rockets. I mean...

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Van Damme, as it turns out, is made of sterner stuff. So he went ahead and did more ads where he attempted to prove that he's cooler than ice:

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Forgetting, of course, that Rajini is the fire that ought not to be messed with. Can you light a match with the power of your eyes, Van Damme? NO, RIGHT?

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Two strikes and he comes back for another one! This is stubborn ol' Van Damme doing a split (yes, again) inside a refrigerator while playing a pan flute that..ummm..catches fire.

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Okay then. You asked for it. Here's hoping the following GIFs will warn the rest of filmdom on this planet and beyond that Sir Rajinikanth is not up for competition. Would you all just stop trying already. Answer any of these 5 questions with a 'yes', and then - only then - you may do as you please.

1. Can you light your cigarette with a gun, Van Damme?



2. Can you fight multiple goons, coming at you from multiple directions like that, and that and that?

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3. Can you use a bottle as a weapon for a man that's far, far away?

 

4. CAN YOU DIVERT A BULLET WITH YOUR BARE HANDS?

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5. And lastly, can you start a mini-hurricane with just one foot? Can you? No? Give up now then. JUST GIVE UP NOW.

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