Are You Microcheating? Therapist Explains The Two Types And Where To Draw The Line

Disclaimer: We are not endorsing cheating.

Microcheating is made up of two terms - micro and cheating. The first word means 'small', and the second word is self-explanatory. You can call it cheating in small doses. But it is slightly more complex than you might think.

While adultery has no justification when two people are in a monogamous relationship, there are a few grey areas that need clarification. As relationships are evolving and new terminologies keep cropping up, it is crucial to define what constitutes cheating and where to draw the line when it comes to microcheating.

On March 27, Jeff Guenther, a professional counsellor based in Portland, took to Instagram to share a thing or two about microcheating. Breaking it into two types, he clarified what falls under natural human behaviour and what is downright a dealbreaker.

Types Of Microcheating

"What is microcheating. I think there are two different kinds. There's the kind that comes with a little bit of deceit, like texting an ex and deleting the evidence or saving a cute new friend under a fake name," he said, while explaining the first kind.

Speaking about the first kind, the counsellor said, "It sucks, and you should not do that. Case closed." He even said that this kind should keep the name of microcheating because it's cheating.

The second kind is the one that is "not shady at all". It refers to an impromptu flirt with a barista, an innocent crush on a professor, or lingering on a video of a 'hot' content creator. 

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Jeff Guenther, LPC (@therapyjeff)

It's similar to Chandler's style of flirting with the pizza delivery girl on his 10th month anniversary with Monica in Friends. As much as Ross frowned upon it, Chandler had no ulterior intentions with the delivery girl, unlike Ross, who kissed Rachel while dating Julie (not to forget the "we were on a break" excuse).

Expanding the boundaries of the second type, the counsellor added that liking someone's profile on Instagram, fantasising about someone else, or just acknowledging that other people are attractive, while you're in a relationship, is not cheating. "That should be renamed flicker," he added.

As Lily said in How I Met Your Mother, "Marshall, you can fantasise about other people without killing me."

Sharing examples of flickering, the counsellor said that you might find a co-worker attractive or like someone in their vacation photos. Your partner might even build up the courage to confess to you that they flickered on a friend, instructor, or coworker. It's almost like Phil finding Gloria attractive in Modern Family. It's harmless.

"I'm going to trust that my partner knows when and where and how to flicker, and bonus points, if they decide to tell me about it, because I'm not threatened, that's just how secure we are," Jeff Guenther said.

"Microcheating implies deceit and betrayal, (but) flickers are fun and normal. At least in my relationships, it shouldn't be hidden and can actually make you feel more connected to your partner," he said, adding that you are the one who gets to set the boundaries and communicate what you are comfortable with your partner telling you about flickers.

"But I love that it stops making a normal human attraction into a relationship crime," the expert concluded.

Also Read | What Is Tolyamory? A New Dating Term That Redefines Cheating In A Relationship