Actor-director Tannishtha Chatterjee is battling stage 4 oligo metastatic cancer with a "one day at a time" mantra. The actor shared the news with fans and followers on Instagram on August 24 with a picture of herself with a shaved head.
In an exclusive conversation with NDTV, Tannishtha recalled the emotional turmoil, the ifs and buts of navigating her cancer journey and how she bounced back to regular life.
"I Had Thick Curly Hair..."
Tannishtha was diagnosed with cancer nine months ago. After her second chemotherapy cycle, she got her head shaved. "I spoke to a few people who had undergone this experience. Some of them said they had a very depressing experience when they saw hair falling out in their hands every morning. It's all over the place, on the pillow, and it's (the head) patchy. It's a demoralising experience," Tannishtha tells us.
"My doctor said, 'If you want to shave, do it. So that you don't realise your hair is falling'. It was after my second chemo cycle that I got my head shaved," Tannishtha recalls.
The actor hopes her "thick curly hair" comes back. "It has taken me a while to accept the bodily changes that will be permanent with me now. We are also actors. I think I shouldn't call it vanity. But it matters how we look. It took me a while to accept the changes.
"Initially, I was constantly debating with my doctor. I told him I know you will give me life, but I need quality. If I am not able to do what I love doing, if I look like a drag... what's the point of living? But they are wonderful people. They kept telling me, keep patience, and it (the hair) will come back," Tannishtha shares.
"On Bad Days, I Felt I Am Not Going To Make it"
Taking us through her journey of chemotherapy cycle, Tannishtha tells us, "During my chemo, there were good days and bad days. On bad days, I feel I am not going to make it. What's the point of this fight? On certain days, I told my doctor that I don't want to do this anymore. Jo hoga dekha jayega (Whatever will happen, will happen)."
"After three-four days, when I felt better, I went back to the doctor and said sorry for feeling that way. I have to give it a full chance," Tannishtha says.
"Air India Crash Made Me Very Fearless"
During her initial days after cancer diagnosis, Tannishtha used to read books about people who are in the same boat as her. She met a lot of "strangers" through common friends who later shared their valuable experiences with her.
"Reading, listening to music, and sitting at home can get to you at times. So after a point of time, I started reading other stuff and I started working on my film's (Full Plate) post-production. The days I felt better, I booked studios and finished dubbing and music for my film. I started writing other stuff as well," Tannistha shares.
When we ask her about that one thing she keeps on reminding herself on tough days, she says, "There's no reason for everything and you can't predict the future. It's one day at a time. I have to just live today and live it to the fullest. I was celebrating Javed (Akhtar) Saab's 80th birthday. And three days later, I came to know that I wouldn't survive if I don't get treatment.
"Think about the Air India crash, only one person walked out of it. That incident made me very fearless. I do care for the people who are close to me. But I will live life the way I want," Tannishtha signs off on a spirited note.
Also Read | "Cancer Diagnosis Has Brought Us Closer": Tannishtha Chatterjee To NDTV On Her Bond With Hina Khan
