There's a Shah Rukh Khan who once turned a real-life situation into a self-styled response (read: filmy way), saying, "Bete ko haath lagane se pehle, baap se baat kar" (Talk to the father first before touching his son). And then there was Rishi Kapoor, who never became a friend to his son Ranbir; nor did he ever want to be. Because he always believed, "Main aapka baap hoon, dost nahi (I am your father, not your friend)." It could have been a hit dialogue.
On Rishi Kapoor's 73rd birth anniversary, let's revisit Ranbir Kapoor and Rishi Kapoor's unmatched father-son bond that defied the rulebook.
Rishi Kapoor on Maintaining a “Glass Ceiling” Between Him and His Son
During a chat on The Anupam Kher Show – Kucch Bhi Ho Sakta Hai season two in 2015, Rishi Kapoor spoke in detail about his role as a father, how his ideas of fatherhood were shaped by his lived experience, and why he never wanted to be a friend to his son.
Rishi Kapoor said, "Main jaanta hoon ki is film industry mein aise bohut se parents hain jo apne bachchon ko dost jaise maante hain. Mera rishta mere baap ke saath kabhi aisa nahi tha. Maine jaan-boojh kar yeh rishta maine apne bete se bhi nahi rakha. Ho sakta hai ki humare beech mein ek sheesha ki deewar ho (I know there are many parents in the film industry who consider their children as their friends. I never had such a relationship with my father. I intentionally didn't keep my relationship with my son like that. Maybe there is a glass wall between us)."
He continued, "Hum dekh sakte hain lekin hum ek doosre ko mehsoos nahi kar sakte. Ho sakta hai. Maine yeh chahte hue ki, 'Aap mujhe woh position zaroor dein ki main aapka buzurg hoon, main aapka baap hoon. Main aapka dost nahi hoon' (We can see but not feel each other. I wanted that, 'You give me the position that I am elder to you, I am your father. I am not your friend')."
Justifying his attitude towards Ranbir, Rishi Kapoor said, "Kyunki shayad maine dada ke saath apne baap ko dekha tha. Mere baap ne mere saath kiya tha. I wanted that with Ranbir (Maybe because I saw that with my grandfather and father. My father did that with me)."
Rishi continued, "Jab aapne poocha, 'Aapne Ranbir ko kya diya hai?' maine yeh diya hai Ranbir ko ki, 'Tum apni bado ki izzat karo aur baaki tum zindagi mein jo chahte ho karo. Lekin yeh deewar jo hai jo humne khadi ki hai, main chahta hoon ki aisi hi rahe' (When you asked, 'What have you given to Ranbir?', I have given Ranbir that, 'You respect your elders and do whatever you want with your life. But this wall that we have made, I want it to stay')."
When Ranbir Kapoor Said He Never Saw the Colour of His Father's Eyes
In an interview with entrepreneur Nikhil Kamath on his YouTube channel, Ranbir Kapoor revealed how he was always scared of his father.
"I always bowed down before him and said yes to everything he said. I was very scared." When Nikhil asked if his life mirrored what was shown in the film Animal, the actor clarified that in Animal his character was obsessed with his father, but in real life, he was rather scared of his dad. "He never shouted at us, never raised his hand at us, but just because around us his temperament was so volatile that it always scared me."
He also recalled how his father took away his car when he returned to India because he wanted him to be grounded. He was never given an extra dollar when he was studying in the States.
Ranbir also talked about his childhood trauma when he witnessed the ugly fights between his parents. "Anybody who speaks in a louder tone, it disturbs me, since childhood." He explained the reason behind this, saying, "My parents went through a lot of fights. We lived in a bungalow, so I spent most of my childhood on the staircases, hearing them fight. I was always scared and on edge."
He added, "I think they were both going through a rough patch. My sister wasn't around, so I kind of felt responsible. My mother used to talk about her feelings to me. But my father wasn't that expressive. I never understood or heard his point of view."
Time heals wounds. Crisis brings family together. "I saw the selfless service my mother was doing for him and that kind of love was something which I probably at that time couldn't have imagined," said Ranbir after his father was diagnosed with cancer.
Rishi Kapoor died after battling leukemia on April 30, 2020.
