Luke Coutinho emphasises the importance of clarity in any kind of relationship. In a recent post on Instagram, he talks about the impact of being in a relationship with contrasting goals with your partner. He begins his picture message with key questions like "Marriage or just a transaction?", "In a live-in relationship, or just a transaction?", "Fallen in love, or into a transaction?" and a few other questions that one needs to reflect on. In his post, Luke Coutinho says, "There is nothing wrong with marriage or a transaction.
The important thing is to know what you are in, or what you want to get into. It's miserable to live in a transaction while believing it's a relationship or marriage, and vice versa," adding that for people like them, "healing and recovery depend on far more than just medicine, nutrition, exercise, and sleep".
The life coach emphasises, "Their relationship environment and connections often play a major role in prevention, recovery, survival, and thriving."
According to him, "it's good to know what you want", especially "before entering a relationship, whether new or after a breakup or divorce." He reveals that this clarity opens the window for people wanting to change something.
Watching love, marriage, and the transaction lens, he says, "In a world where love is celebrated in poetry, films, and vows, marriage is often painted as the ultimate expression of devotion, a sacred bond built on trust, mutual growth, and unconditional support," further explaining, "Yet for many, marriage can feel like a transaction. A contractual exchange of duties, expectations, and compromises. 'If I do this, you do that.' 'If you don't meet my needs, I won't meet yours.'"
Although he believes that these dynamics are practical in some ways, it "can leave us unfulfilled, resentful, or depressed if we yearn for connection but live inside a ledger of give-and-take."
The Heart Of The Matter: Marriage Vs. Transaction
He notes, “Many relationships start with love but drift into transactional patterns over time. Bills, parenting, careers, and routines shift focus from bonding to logistics.” This is when the situation takes a toll on health. According to him, such situations breed disappointment, anger, and depression.
He writes, “Toxic relationships = higher cortisol, weaker immunity, poor digestion, restless sleep,” while “Supportive relationships = stronger resilience, lower inflammation, faster recovery from illness.”
Based on the sociological angle, he tells, “The pain comes when expectations and reality don't match.” Meanwhile, he says, “Unhealthy marriages are linked to anxiety, depression, and even heart disease. Supportive ones add years to life by improving habits, stress response, and emotional regulation.”
Talking about emotional wellness, he highlights that af a relationship runs only on conditions, authenticity suffers. Thus, the need of the hour is practical reflection.
Finally, the life coach suggests a few guiding questions to help you reflect on your relationship:
1. What Drives Our Interactions?
Do we act out of love and joy, or out of obligation and scorekeeping?
2. Do I Feel Seen and Valued for Who I Am?
Am I appreciated for my essence, or only for what I provide?
3. Am I Keeping Score?
Do I track what I give versus what I get?
4. Can We Be Vulnerable Together?
Is there safety to share fears and dreams, or do I guard myself?
5. What Are Our Shared Goals?
Are we working toward a common vision, or running parallel lives?
6. Am I Happy with the Dynamic?
If it's transactional, am I okay with that, or do I long for more?
“If you long for a marriage filled with vulnerability, joy, and growth. Small shifts like listening, sharing, and letting go of scorekeeping can transform it,” he quips, adding, “If a transactional model works for your needs, embrace it with clarity to avoid mismatched expectations.”
“The answer could change the way you live and love,” he concludes.
Disclaimer: This content including advice provides generic information only. It is in no way a substitute for a qualified medical opinion. Always consult a specialist or your doctor for more information. NDTV does not claim responsibility for this information.
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