My childhood was spent in getting unsolicited advice. "Don't you eat anything?". Also, "You look like a stick" and many such gems that could have shattered my teenaged confidence if I weren't an uncompromising tomboy, more interested in beating the boys at their game than worrying about whether they liked how I looked. Now, after decades of hearing "Don't lose any more weight", as a mother of two, I am advised, "Don't put on any more".
But not losing your mind over this sort of counsel can be a constant challenge, just as it is for those who are even slightly overweight. Exercise, meanwhile, is not for the thin. If I mention fitness, the well-meaning or rather those who mean to be nice behave like there is something wrong with their weighing scales. If I skip dessert, they get a sugar rush infused by concerns about why I am dieting. So I take a deep breath, remember my new year resolution to remain zen, and avoid conversations that aren't healthy. Barring a teenage face full of acne (which in our times was considered a rite of passage) I have been comfortable in my own skin. Our times anyway were different. The world had not been invaded by the internet.
We all know that social media is a universe of its own, that it makes a public spectacle of our private lives, our status notwithstanding. If we insist on telling even strangers what we wore this morning, it is natural it will be "liked" or dissected till late that evening. Scarily, it has also become a playing ground for those who should instead be solving an algebra puzzle. If they don't "Instagram" their picture today, the world would probably be kinder.
This daily and mindless exposure from what you didn't wear to how your neighbour's sister has the perfect pout brings with it the kind of scrutiny that can only be harmful - social media isn't looking for anything profound. I grew up often rebutting my closest friend's apprehensions that her legs didn't look good or her arms were too fat. But at least her concerns were in a private domain. Today, Instagram and Facebook will rip even one hair out of place.
At her peak, Bollywood actress Sridevi happily survived the label of "Thunder Thighs"; later, she was pummeled with rumours of plastic surgery about her much thinner self. Now, her daughter isn't taking body shamers lightly. She has answered trolls criticizing her appearance, including remarks about a belly, saying she happily embraces her beauty. It's a mature reaction, but Khushi Kapoor is only 15. For me, what is more worrying is that a teenager, whether a star kid or otherwise, is now giving her appearance so much importance and public exposure that she needs to justify it. What happened to enjoying some good old baby fat?
When we were Khushi Kapoor's age, we were happy to win a cycling race and go for an occasional dinner with our parents in whichever pair of jeans fell out of the cupboard first. Now a 16-year-old I know is provocatively posing on social media and asking if she resembles Kim Kardashian. Are they not setting themselves up for damage? Pooja Bedi's daughter handled obnoxious remarks about her photos with a strong, remarkable
blog, declaring "I am more than my breasts." But can an "ordinary" teen withstand body-shaming with the same grit? And yet, the lure of Instagramming seems irresistible.
Why are our classrooms and families not embracing their children and telling them that the only thing that is perfect is imperfection, that they are beautiful in their braces without being photoshopped?
The internet is a place for faceless, nameless bullies and even Jackie Shroff's daughter needed her father to
come out and stop her from being victimized. Experience gives us the ability to fight back, the young will always be more vulnerable. The everyday is no less than turn on the catwalk.
"Inner beauty" is often thrown out as a phrase by actresses who have spent hours getting their hair and make-up done. So what's a teen to do? Why are our classrooms and families not embracing their children and telling them that they are beautiful in their braces without being photoshopped?
So I may admire Sridevi's daughter for the sheer guts to say it as she feels and show it as it is, but somehow I respect Shah Rukh Khan's daughter Suhana's football fatigues more. As the actor says "Skinned knees and bruised elbows look beautiful on little girls". It also lets them be what they should be - young girls without a care in the world.
(Jyotsna Mohan Bhargava is a former journalist who now divides her time between blogging and being a full-time mother.)Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this article are the personal opinions of the author. The facts and opinions appearing in the article do not reflect the views of NDTV and NDTV does not assume any responsibility or liability for the same.