For years, couples have been told that the secret to a strong relationship lies in sharing everything - from meals to wardrobes to a bed. But what if togetherness doesn't have to mean sharing every inch of space? The conversation around "personal space" in relationships is shifting fast, and recently, fashion influencer Komal Pandey gave it an unexpected twist.
In a recent podcast, Komal revealed that she and her partner live together but prefer having separate bedrooms - not because of problems, but because they both value solitude. And her reasoning has stirred quite a debate about modern relationships, boundaries, and what intimacy looks like today.
'One Day I Would Like A Separate House As Well'
When asked how living together had changed their relationship and if they have separate bedrooms, Komal replied with her signature honesty: "Not really, we have multiple bedrooms, and we have separate bedrooms too. One bedroom is his and one bedroom is mine. Both of us, we love our space too much, we may sleep together by the end of the day, but throughout the day, I am not sitting in the same room as him. I need time to cool off, and both of us are such creative individuals and we are so passionate and like our own spaces."
She added that having lived alone for years before moving in with her partner, solitude had become a vital part of her identity. "I moved out when I was 23-24 and since then I've been living alone. It's been a year since I moved in with him, so for 5-6 years I've been living alone, and honestly I just love being alone. A couple of years down the line I would also like to have a separate house and we are very open-minded and have the same values. It is so healthy," she said.
Komal explained that her mornings start in her own room with a cup of chai, and that her personal space feels "sacred". Interestingly, even the hosts of the show, Sakshi Shivdasani and Naina Bee, agreed with her and said they have been advocates for separate bedrooms too.
Beyond 'Sleep Divorce'
Komal's statement quickly led to discussions about whether this is a healthy way to maintain a relationship. One such arrangement is, sleep divorce, which is also becoming increasingly common in the West and in India.
However, as psychotherapist and founder of Bright Counselling, Absy Sam explains, what Komal described is not quite the same thing.
"It's important to understand what sleep divorce means," says Absy. "It refers to mindfully or intentionally having separate sleeping spaces. This is not necessarily a negative thing; it can be a strategy to improve relationship quality. Different people have different sleep needs - temperature preferences, sensitivity to snoring, or issues like sleep apnea or other health concerns."
She adds that in today's work-from-home lifestyle, bedrooms have become multifunctional spaces - places for work, reflection, and creativity.
"Partners need to be on the same page about using physical and emotional space. Emotional connection matters more than physical proximity, and sleeping separately doesn't automatically mean disconnection. Couples can maintain rituals and closeness even when sleeping in different rooms," she adds.
The key, she emphasises, lies in intention and communication. "Sleeping apart after a conflict without repair work can worsen emotional distance. Repair work can include reconciliation rituals, intimacy, or affectionate gestures after disagreements. For some, sleeping separately offers safety and comfort - they may come together for intimacy at specific times. However, this should not become a form of withdrawal from the relationship."
From an Indian perspective, Absy points out that separate bedrooms are often viewed as a red flag. "In India, it's sometimes seen as a sign of marital trouble, but that's not always the case. As long as there is open, transparent communication, shared rituals, and a maintained sense of connection, sleeping in different rooms should not be a problem. The key is ongoing effort to nurture the bond through intentional connection."
Space And Independence
While some people on the Internet saw Komal's arrangement as unconventional, others view it as a modern approach to cohabitation - one that prioritises individuality over dependency. Relationship expert, author, and life coach Shivam, says that the idea of having separate rooms or personal space in a relationship has both benefits and drawbacks.
"There are pros and cons to this behaviour," Shivam explains.
"The pro is that it gives you the space to deal with your emotions better and not react impulsively on them, thus avoiding major fights and also avoiding co-dependency. It retains your individuality too," he adds.
Absy also adds that couples who keep separate rooms can experience a greater sense of autonomy. People have different sensory needs and self-regulation styles, which vary from person to person. Having separate rooms, while admittedly a privilege not everyone has, can help manage overwhelm, support emotional and physical safety, and create a secure personal environment.
She further adds that it creates a personal “me zone,” supports autonomy, and enables focused work on personal priorities in one's own space and time. This is shaping modern relationship dynamics and also supports a sense of individual identity. Separate rooms can help preserve identity, one's space, one's way of arranging or decorating, a place to call one's own in a vast world
However, Shivam cautions that too much independence can sometimes create emotional distance.
"The con is that there is no dependency at all, which takes away the real essence of relationships, and stops you from being vulnerable with them. That prevents real attachment because your emotional needs might be met by someone else but not your partner. Hence, the attachment never fully builds up."
He adds with a hint of irony that such arrangements often fit well with how relationships are portrayed on social media. "This logic, however, is a perfect way to be an Instagram couple - it just brings out the lovey-dovey stuff without having any conflicts."
Changing Definitions Of Intimacy
The debate sparked by Komal's comment reflects a broader cultural shift - one where couples are redefining intimacy. Emotional closeness no longer relies solely on sharing a bed or spending every waking hour together. For many, love now includes respecting individuality, solitude, and creative independence.
Experts believe that what matters most is alignment. If both partners feel secure and connected despite physical distance, the relationship can thrive. The problem arises only when separate spaces become symbolic of emotional separation.
"The essence of a healthy relationship is not about being inseparable, but about choosing each other even after giving yourselves space to grow," Absy Sam concludes.
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