We Like 'Dislike.' Dear Facebook, These 7 Features Next Please

There's much to like about the new 'dislike' button that Facebook boss Mark Zuckerberg announced is a work in progress. Soon, we'll have an emotion feature for someone's heart-breaking status update or repost and, best of all, no more passively gritting your teeth and ignoring that 100th beach holiday photo from that friend who's on a permanent vacation while you are slaving away in an office in the dead of winter. 

Just. Hit. Dislike.

We're kidding - Zuckerberg already said that the point of the 'dislike' button is for people to be able to express empathy, not to downvote posts they hate.   

Now that Facebook is acknowledging feelings apart from 'like,' here's our wish list of features we'd like to see soon. Mark Zuckerberg, are you listening?

'No comment' button
As any self-respecting hack will tell you, it's not just a picture that's worth a 1000 words - a 'no comment' comment is often worth even more. You say it best when you say nothing at all so, when you see that post of monumental stupidity, you can do a polite Facebookpalm and be like:

via GIPHY

'Talk to the hand' emoticon
For the argumentative user, who turns a relatively harmless thread into a shouting match, hijacks your conversation with someone else, dissects every word in your status update into shreds or uses their own wall for soapbox oratory - they can go bang their heads against your hand.

via GIPHY

A button to crush Candy Crushers with
When they first began trickling in, you weren't really bothered. But now it's a relentless deluge and every new game request that comes is making you seriously consider murder in the first degree. The Candy Crushers need to go, ASAP.

via GIPHY

Ban those spammers
Don't we get enough unsolicited advice in life? Seeing inane spam posts is the last thing we want, Facebook. Do you hear us?

via GIPHY

Virtual slaps
Some people just deserve one tight slap for being serially rude and obnoxious. They're the ones who ask you things like "OMG! You have put on so much weight. Are you expecting?" Really, they're asking for it.

via GIPHY

Selfie alert notification
Too many selfies bombarding your timeline? Most of which you feel you have seen over and over again? Pending improved posing and pouting skills, we need advance warning so that we needn't see anything we want to unsee. 

via GIPHY

'Get a life' button
Fed up of the complaining status updates ranting about how unfair life has been to them, how cruel the world? This button would help ask these whiners to stop torturing everyone else along with themselves. Somewhat rudely, but very satisfying to the one hitting the button. 

via GIPHY