This Article is From Oct 13, 2014

An Open Letter to Bilawal Bhutto

(Rishi Majumder is an associate partner at the new media company Oijo)

Dear Bilawal,

Nice to know you've done it again.




One supposes you are convinced that this is smart politics. That, like with your "I will take back Kashmir, all of it" speech delivered last month, it will earn you quick if short-term visibility and brownie points - so who cares how much you get lampooned by Indian tweeters really.

But let's examine how you've said it. You may be the only Oxonian in the world capable of misspelling Israel. And this is one of the less complicated country names, as far as spelling goes. Imagine what would happen if you had to refer to the Republic of Cote d'Ivoire.

It's always been about how you say it, Bilawal. When you attempt to communicate, form becomes paramount, content secondary. Take the following:




For one, Indian 'raato ki needs' make for complex analyses. So far, I don't think you've been factored in.

Evidently you've decided to posture all the way from taking on the Taliban (good) to "taking back" Kashmir (mad). Pakistani National Polls are in 2018. Even in the event of the Pakistan People's Party winning them who, really, will hold you to radical rants any more than they do the next politician?

But, while it's understandable that you can't get someone else to deliver your speeches, is there absolutely no one in a party as vast as the PPP who can handle your social media for you?

Because it isn't working, Bilawal. On stage you sound like an 8-year-old problematically addicted to Red Bull. One who's about to be disqualified from a high school elocution contest for screaming right into the judge's ear.

On Twitter, you sound as if you are on stronger stuff.

"agay agay dekho hota hai kya"?



Who is this - Gabbar Singh's adolescent alter ego?

Why am I telling you this? Would I agree with you if you were an excellent communicator? No, but even if one is constantly confronted with the disagreeable, it helps to not to have to spend the first five minutes - every time - recovering from the shock of having been accosted by Jabba the Hut.

I sense the same feeling in the expressions on your audience's faces sometimes. You see, unlike with Twitter, when you're giving a speech, your viewers can be seen. And Bilawal, they look perplexed.

If only you could re-emerge from that sheaf of papers you drown yourself in as soon as you climb on to a podium, you would notice many of them staring at you as if the new PPP Chairman just got possessed by a djinn.

And since we're on speeches, and #IamBhutto is your favourite hashtag, here's one by your mother:



Reasonably impassioned, the kind you appear to want to emulate. One could agree or disagree with what she was saying but there was no denying her oratorical skills.

Here's you.

Chairman #PPP Bilawal Bhutto Zardari's complete speech from Capital TV on Vimeo.



I suspect there are party well-wishers, some of them milling around you on stage in this very video, who have said to you that your mother was born with excellent delivery. That all you have to do, as a #Bhutto (another hashtag you love), is get there with a lot of energy and you'll be Demosthenes.

Bilawal, this isn't true. You need a speech coach and an Urdu teacher. If you have them, sack them. You need new ones. You also desperately need to be able to continuously utter at least three lines of an address without looking down at a note.

Finally, what's with the crazy grin? Stop looking so happy with yourself every time you've delivered what you think is a punchline (also because, usually, you've ruined it). For photo-ops, experiment with tightlipped 'quiet' smiles. Right now it appears as if your teeth will jump out of pictures on my twitter feed and do a synchronized jig all around the room.

Just please stop being whatever alien you have met and decided is cool. #BhuttoAgayaMaidanMein is another hashtag you've been using often lately. Why not try this, instead, and win points for candor: #BhuttoBolnaSeekho.

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