Dutch Woman Reveals Key Differences Between Parenting In India And Netherlands

A Dutch mother living in Mumbai has shared her personal experiences of raising a child in India, drawing attention online by explaining how daily parenting life can feel very different from what she knew in the Netherlands. Ivana, who has been living in India for nearly nine years, shared her reflections on her experiences as a parent on the occasion of her daughter's second birthday.

She noted that after spending so many years in India, she has come to realise that comparing what is "better" or "worse" is not as important as understanding the compromises inherent in different approaches and embracing them without judgment. She also mentioned that she found several aspects of raising a child in India to be quite surprising.

She identified the sense of community as the most significant difference. According to her, parenting in the Netherlands often feels like a solitary, long-term endeavour, whereas in Mumbai, one finds a robust support system. She remarked that the "village" mentality is a reality in Mumbai, where family members and neighbours are always available to lend a hand, keep an eye on things, or spend time with the children. She also admitted that it took some time for her independent Dutch mindset to adjust to this environment.

Ivana further observed that public spaces in India are quite child-friendly. She noted that, unlike in the Netherlands, where the welcome extended to young children is sometimes limited in certain venues, children in India are accepted with ease in almost every setting.

Comparing parenting styles, she explained that in Dutch culture, children are encouraged to be self-reliant from a very young age, whereas Indian parenting places a greater emphasis on mutual support and community. She cited the example that Dutch children perform tasks like walking to school alone at a young age, whereas in India, children are integrated into a larger social fabric.

She added that while she appreciates India's sense of community, she believes it is equally important to treat children with respect and teach them to question authority, even within a system characterized by hierarchy.

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She also shared that her daughter is naturally growing up in a trilingual environment. Hearing Dutch, English, and Hindi on a daily basis has become a completely normal process for her. She noted that her daughter's primary language is Hindi, which also incorporates words from Dutch, Punjabi, and Bengali, and she viewed this as a positive development.

Regarding the perspective on safety, she remarked that in Amsterdam, safety implies the freedom for children to move about independently, whereas in Mumbai, it is associated with heightened supervision and restricted activities.

She also pointed out that in India, the pressure regarding education begins at a very early age, a stark contrast to the play, based early childhood experience found in the Netherlands.

Furthermore, she expressed her appreciation for the availability of domestic help in India, noting that it affords her the opportunity to spend more time with her daughter and helps her feel less stressed. She observed that had she been in the Netherlands, her child would have started attending daycare at a much younger age, although she occasionally worries that her daughter might not be getting enough interaction with other children, she ultimately feels that her current approach is the right one for now.

Summing up her experiences, Ivana shared that raising a child in Mumbai initially felt quite different and daunting to her, however, she began to feel much more at ease after connecting with other parents, particularly other Dutch mothers. She also added that, having grown up in the Netherlands as a refugee child without any family support, watching her own daughter grow up surrounded by love and a strong sense of community has been an incredibly emotional and fulfilling experience for her.