- Indian parenting is described as a pressure cooker model focused on outcomes over children’s individuality
- Parents often control children's education, career, and marriage choices without considering their interests
- Questioning elders is seen as disrespect, leading children to grow emotionally trapped and silent
Hundreds of books have been written on parenting. From authoritative and permissive to uninvolved, soft, and conscious. Then comes Indian parenting, about which a thesis can be written. It is quite different from what you will come across in the rest of the world. Culturally, Indian parenting is rooted in the "elders are always right" phrase.
Children are often told in India to respect elders, irrespective of how they behave and talk. Questioning a tradition or an orthodox approach handed down by the generations before you is often frowned upon and met with reprimand. But Jasveer Singh, co-founder and CEO of Knot Dating, did not hold back in his latest post on X (formerly known as Twitter) and critiqued Indian parenting "left, right, and centre".
Gurugram CEO Calls Indian Parenting "One Of The Worst Models Globally"
"Indian parenting is pressure cooker parenting," he said, adding, "One of the worst models globally."
The Gurugram-based CEO noted that Indian parents are not evil, but the system is broken and no one is willing to question it. "Most Indian parents didn't raise children. They raised outcomes," he wrote.
The CEO further added, "Children are treated like owned assets - not individuals, not independent humans." This is because parents in India exercise their authority to decide what the child will study, what profession they will pursue in future, how they will live their life, how they will think, who they will marry, and so on.
He noted that for most of the Indian parents, "mental health, interest, curiosity, aptitude, all are irrelevant". Their logic? We are your parents, we know better, and you will do as we say. More than parenting, this model seems like a barter - we brought you into this world, so we own you.
"The child becomes a project. A second chance. A retirement plan. Not because the child wants it, but because the parent couldn't become it," wrote Jasveer Singh
Gurugram CEO Says Children In India Grow Emotionally Trapped
Jasveer Singh said, "Failure in India is treated like a crime! If a child fails an exam, the reaction is not concern - It is shame, and the child is scolded." It goes to show how parents worry less about the child's well-being and more about their status in the "society" and their image in front of their "relatives".
The Knot Dating co-founder said that it creates an unwritten contract. "The child never agrees to it. The parent doesn't even realise it exists. Parents genuinely believe they are securing the child's future. Psychologically, they are securing their own unresolved failure."
In a society where questioning is often equivalent to disrespect, the child who gathers the courage to ask questions becomes the one everyone should stay away from. In the name of "sankaar", silence is promoted. Jasveer Singh added, "Parents themselves were raised this way, controlled, unquestioning, emotionally suppressed. So the cycle repeats."
A child may grow up to be an adult, they might be more informed, educated, and aware than their parents, but they cannot challenge them, even if they are right. "So children grow up emotionally trapped. Questioning feels like betrayal. Disagreement feels like guilt. Silence becomes safety," the viral post further read.
People who see questioning as disrespect and punish a child for doing so cannot produce adults who think outside the box. "We are trained to comply. Ask tough questions, and you are labelled arrogant, rude, out of control," he added.
Matrimony App CEO Says That Indian Parents Are Terrified Of Society's Opinion
When children grow up afraid to ask questions, they are also driven to be dependent and follow the same path their parents have followed.
"Then comes society - Neighbours, relatives, and this toxic comparison culture. Someone else's kid achieved XYZ. Suddenly, your child must do the same! IQ doesn't matter, interest doesn't matter, and capability doesn't matter. What matters is only IMAGE," Jasveer Singh added in his rant.
He noted that Indian parents are terrified of society's opinion. They are too scared to answer relatives. And definitely too scared to push back. So they often dump their fears onto their kids. "They can't fight society, so they dominate their children," he added.
"And let's be honest - This cowardice comes from generations of patriarchy and obedience. Parents themselves never learned to say NO. So they don't teach their kids how to either. Parents think they are doing well, but subconsciously, they are doing damage. Not intentionally. But damage doesn't care about intent," he wrote, concluding, "This is not parenting - This is outsourcing personal failure onto the next generation."
However, the conversation around parenting has shifted drastically in the last decade, if not more. Psychologists have shared studies, counsellors have intervened, and millennial parents like Nakuul Mehta and Jankee Mehta have been sharing their learnings on how new-age, conscious parenting has the potential to bring up independent and healthy children.
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