Celina Jaitly To NDTV On Her Comeback After Years Of Harrowing Abuse And Grief

She left the entertainment industry at the peak of her fame and fortune, and traded the limelight for what the world believed was a picture-perfect family life. For actor Celina Jaitly, however, it was a facade that masked years of unimaginable trauma.

In a candid conversation with NDTV's Shiv Aroor, the actor shared the realities of a 15-year abusive marriage, the loss of her parents and child, and how she found the courage to step back in front of the camera for her upcoming film, 'Sister Nivedita'.

"I wanted a house full of kids, a family full of love. The kind of family I grew up in. Marriage was very sacred. Marriage was valued. Marriage was difficult. And marriage was fought for on a daily basis," she told NDTV.

Raised in an armed forces family, Jaitly said she carried deep-rooted values about commitment into her marriage. When she left her career, country and parents behind, she pointed out that she believed she would be building the life she had always wanted.

But her journey had been full of devastating losses and hurt. Despite that, she showed a remarkable sense of ownership over her situation.

"I was misled by my own wrong judgment. I do not blame anyone for my own decisions in life. I am accountable because that's the first word that my father taught me," she said.

The actor highlighted that success and education can't shield a person from domestic violence, detailing how psychological warfare breaks a person down over time, creating a web of dependency.

"Having personal accomplishments does not protect you from violence. Having a public image does not protect you from private erosion. Having a degree, a great degree, does not protect you from gaslighting. And I eroded privately in the kind of relationship I was in," she said.

"Violence and abuse do not happen overnight. It often begins with love. It begins with intensity. It begins with promises... The first incident shocks you. The second incident, the fifth incident confuses you... The 10th one, you cry. And by the 15th incident, you get used to it," Jaitly said.

According to her, victims often survive on "small windows of hope," making excuses for their abuser while their own personality is systematically stripped away. "What people like us go through is not because we are incapable of handling relationships, it's because we couldn't handle psychological warfare."

As her marriage fell apart, Jaitly was hit by a succession of personal losses - the death of both her parents, and the tragic passing of her infant son, Shamsher.

"I was discarded after 15 years of devotion, dedication, bearing abuse, highs, lows, everything," she said, recalling two-and-a-half "terrible, terrible years of isolation in an Austrian village during COVID."

When her marriage ended, she found herself emotionally shattered and financially stranded with the responsibility of bringing up her twin sons, Winston and Viraj. "I would see my kids and back out, that this would scare them, this would traumatise them. Where would I go? I don't have my financial independence anymore."

Pushed to the brink, she confessed to moments of total despair. "At times, I felt like I can't go on anymore. I gotta end it. But then I'm a soldier's daughter. My father did not bring me up to do that."

Jaitly is returning to the screen now in the manner of a comeback.

"I'm left in a situation in life where I have no option but to move forward full throttle. I can either give up and die, or I can turn to something that can heal me... My craft is what has stood by me through all my agonies and ecstasies of life. And I think this is my way of rescuing myself," Jaitly said.

Drawing directly from her harrowing experience of losing her autonomy, she shared an advice for the current generation: "Women or men, keep your assets to yourself."