- Transactional thinking in dating reflects entitlement, says psychiatrists
- Such thinking reduces relationships to exchanges, harming empathy and emotional maturity
- Healthy relationships require mutual respect, consent, and emotional connection, not transactions
A plate of chicken biryani is probably the last thing anyone expected to become the centre of a national conversation about dating, consent, and entitlement.
Yet that is exactly what happened after a now-deleted clip from comedian Pranit More's stand-up show went viral. In the video, an audience member spoke about his recent date experience and suggested that spending Rs 370 on a chicken biryani meant he was entitled to something in return from the woman he had taken out.
The comment quickly triggered outrage online, with many calling it sexist, regressive, and deeply troubling. While some dismissed it as a joke made during a comedy show, others argued that it reflected a mindset that still exists in dating culture - the belief that money, gifts, or effort can create an obligation.
The backlash wasn't really about a biryani bill. It was about a much larger question: Why do some people still view dating as a transaction rather than a connection?
As social media erupted with opinions, experts say the controversy has opened the door to an important conversation about modern romance today.
When Dating Starts To Feel Like A Transaction
The most uncomfortable part of the viral clip wasn't the amount mentioned. It was the assumption behind it.
Whether it's Rs 370 or Rs 3,700, the idea that spending money on a date entitles someone to affection, attention, intimacy, or a second date is something many people are increasingly pushing back against.
For psychologists, this kind of thinking often has little to do with romance and everything to do with how people have been taught to view relationships.
"From a psychiatric perspective, transactional thinking in dating is usually not a mental illness but rather a reflection of attitudes, values, and cognitive patterns shaped by one's environment. Individuals who hold entitlement-based beliefs may struggle with empathy, emotional maturity, or distorted expectations about relationships. In some cases, these attitudes are reinforced by cultural narratives, online communities, or personal experiences that frame relationships as exchanges rather than mutual connections," Dr Pavitra Shankar, Associate Consultant in Psychiatry at Aakash Healthcare, told NDTV.
The Invisible Scorecard Many People Carry
These behaviours may seem small initially, but they often reveal a deeper pattern.
"When some men view dating as a transaction, it often reflects learned beliefs about relationships rather than genuine emotional connection. This mindset can develop through social conditioning, peer influences, exposure to unhealthy gender stereotypes, and repeated messages that equate financial investment with entitlement. Psychologically, transactional thinking reduces a relationship to an exchange rather than a partnership built on mutual respect, emotional intimacy, and consent," Dr Deepika Sharma, Psychologist at Asian Institute of Medical Sciences, told NDTV.
The Red Flags Experts Want People To Notice
Transactional thinking doesn't always announce itself loudly. Often, it appears through subtle patterns that become clearer over time.
"People who think transactionally often keep score in relationships, believing that every act of kindness, gift, favour, or expense should be repaid in some form. Affection may become conditional, with warmth, attention, or generosity increasing only when they expect something in return. In such dynamics, support tends to be one-sided - they may expect emotional availability, loyalty, or assistance from a partner while being unwilling to offer the same level of care when it is needed," said Dr Sharma.
The result is a relationship where generosity becomes leverage and affection becomes conditional.
According to Dr Sharma, one of the biggest warning signs is when someone focuses more on what another person can provide than on who they are.
"One of the clearest warning signs is when a person's focus is more on what someone can provide than on who they are as an individual. Over time, their partner may begin to feel valued primarily for their usefulness rather than for their personality, feelings, or inherent worth. Healthy relationships, by contrast, are rooted in mutual care, reciprocity, respect, and genuine connection - not a constant exchange of benefits."
How Social Media Fuels The Debate
The biryani controversy might have remained a fleeting comedy-club moment in another era. Today, however, one viral clip can become a nationwide debate within hours.
Social media has amplified conversations around dating expectations, gender roles, and consent like never before. While that has helped bring important issues into the spotlight, it has also created spaces where extreme opinions often receive the most attention.
"Social media can amplify transactional attitudes by normalising extreme viewpoints and creating echo chambers where entitlement and unhealthy relationship expectations go unchallenged. However, it is important to recognise that these beliefs are not fixed. People can change when they are encouraged to examine their assumptions, develop empathy, challenge entitlement, and learn healthier ways of relating to others," said Dr Sharma.
At the same time, experts caution against confusing accountability with prolonged public humiliation.
"Public backlash and social media criticism can have significant psychological consequences, especially for young adults. Accountability for harmful statements is important, but prolonged online shaming can contribute to anxiety, depression, social withdrawal, and emotional distress. Society must find a balance between condemning problematic behaviour and allowing opportunities for learning and personal growth," said Dr Shankar.
What Healthy Dating Actually Looks Like
A date is not a contract. A gift is not a transaction. Kindness is not a bargaining chip.
According to experts, healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, communication, emotional maturity, and consent.
"When helping individuals build healthier relationships, psychologists often focus on developing self-awareness, emotional intelligence, communication skills, and respect for personal boundaries. Young people should understand that kindness, gifts, money, attention, or time spent together never create an obligation. No amount of investment entitles someone to affection, intimacy, commitment, or control. Consent is never owed - it is freely given and can be withdrawn at any time," Dr Sharma explained.
The Real Lesson Behind The Biryani Row
The internet may remember this as the "Rs 370 biryani controversy," but the reason goes far beyond a meal.
What angered many people was not the amount spent but the idea that affection can be earned through expenditure.
As dating evolves, so do expectations. Increasingly, young people are demanding relationships built on equality, respect, and genuine connection rather than entitlement.
As Dr Shankar puts it, "This incident highlights the need for better conversations around consent, respect, emotional intelligence, and healthy masculinity. The goal should not only be to correct harmful behaviour but also to help young people develop healthier and more respectful relationship expectations."
The real takeaway from the Rs 370 biryani row isn't about who paid the bill. It's about understanding that in modern dating, respect and consent cannot be bought, negotiated or expected in return for a plate of biryani - no matter how good it was.