Wednesday season 2 is here, and while there are plenty of moments that might stick with you after binge-watching the whole series, one scene stood out for me.
It's when Wednesday Addams, asked by her new principal to join in the festivities so she doesn't miss out, simply replies, "I've FOBI, Fear Of Being Included."
And it hit me.
As someone who loves making plans but also secretly feels relieved when they get cancelled (without my doing), I realised there's actually a name for this feeling - and it's not as rare as it sounds. If you also feel the same, you're not alone.
Turns out, FOBI is quite real.
So, What Actually Is FOBI
FOBI (Fear of Being Included) describes that uneasy feeling when you'd rather not be invited to join the group. It's the opposite of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) - instead of worrying you'll be left out, you're stressed about being pulled in.
It's not exactly introversion or general social anxiety. FOBI is more specific - it's about the mental load and energy drain that can come with social inclusion. For some, each new invitation is like yet another browser tab opening in an already cluttered headspace.
Dr Gorav Gupta, Senior Psychiatrist and CEO at Tulasi Healthcare, New Delhi, says, "Unlike FOMO, which comes from the desire to be involved with everything, FOBI is when instead of wanting to be involved, one wants the space, freedom and the avoidance of unwanted and/or forced interactions with others. It's not any better or worse than FOMO, it just reflects an individual's personality in terms of how their boundaries for social space and solitude are perceived."
How It Plays Out In Daily Life
For those with FOBI, back-to-back social invitations or constant group activities can feel exhausting.
"Individuals may begin to withdraw from gatherings or even reject calls or think about updating in a group chat or in a group plan. Ultimately, FOBI can turn to not showing up or attending social gatherings along with misconceptions and even getting labeled as rude or distant," says Dr Gupta.
And it's not just an introvert thing. Anyone can get FOBI when social obligations pile up, even if they're normally sociable.
Gen Z, in particular, seems to be talking about it more - perhaps because they're also more open about setting boundaries.
Practice JOMO. It lets you disconnect. Photo: Unsplash
Work life isn't immune either. That "quick" extra meeting, the team lunch you didn't ask for, or the post-office drinks can all feel like too much. FOBI can also sneak into romantic relationships when new commitments feel like obligations rather than shared joy.
The tricky bit is that while valuing independence is healthy, over-analysing or dodging every invite can chip away at friendships, work relationships, and even mental health.
Is JOMO Better?
The Joy of Missing Out (JOMO) is far better according to experts. It's the calm, guilt-free decision to opt out, without dread or self-criticism. Practice JOMO lets you disconnect, focus on your own needs, and enjoy the present moment, no FOMO, no FOBI.
Think of it as a mindful choice rather than a knee-jerk escape. It's about saying no because you want to, not because you feel you have to.
FOBI Vs FOMO
Sushmita Upadhaya, Clinical Psychologist at LISSUN, a Mental Health Startup, says that both FOMO and FOBI can lead to stress, burnout, and a distorted sense of reality.
"While FOMO pushes us to do more, FOBI pressures us to avoid unwanted involvement and both disrupt peace of mind. On the other hand, JOMO, or the Joy of Missing Out, -the feeling that “I rather stay home”offers a healthier choice," she adds.
In absolute terms, It's about enjoying being one self, setting limits, and finding peace in being offline. Instead of chasing attention or fearing exclusion, JOMO focuses on being present, valuing privacy, and having purpose. So, to answer Yes, JOMO is absolutely better . While FOBI and FOMO creates anxiety and comparisons, JOMO encourages mindfulness and self-worth. In a world filled with the race of social media , choosing to disconnect can be the most empowering choice of all.
The Final Takeway
While FOBI is not a formally recognized clinical diagnosis, it is a sign that constant inclusion isn't everyone's idea of a good time. The relief of not being invited can be real—but left unchecked, it risks closing the door on meaningful connections.
The sweet spot lies somewhere in between: saying yes when it genuinely feels right, and no when you need the space. Because in the end, balance beats both FOMO and FOBI. Take lessons from Wednesday Addams - well, maybe