Govinda Recalls Suicide Attempt After Mother's Death: 'I Went Into The Narmada River'

Actor Govinda has spoken about one of the darkest periods of his life, recalling how the death of his mother, Nirmala Devi, left him so devastated that he once walked into the Narmada River, hoping he would somehow meet her again.

In a conversation with ANI, Govinda opened up about the grief he experienced after his mother died in 1996. 

"I was in a lot of pain. I was in tremendous pain. At that point, I felt that everything was over; that was it," Govinda said.

Nirmala Devi, a respected Hindustani classical vocalist and actor, died on June 15, 1996, at the age of 69.

Remembering what happened after her death, Govinda said he went to the Narmada River and walked further into the water because he believed he would be able to meet his mother again.

"So, I was at the Narmada River, I thought I would go a little farther into the river and that I would meet my mother again. So, I went into the river."

When asked if he was trying to commit suicide, the actor said, "Kind of. I was deeply attached to my mother. I was too much in love with her."

"That's what the world calls it. People use suicide type of words. We don't really have anything like that. Life never ends. It takes on new faces; It takes on new forms," he continued.

Govinda also remembered a sadhu, whom he now recalls as Ram Kundal, approaching him while he was in the river. The encounter, he said, helped him come back to his senses.

"He called out to me and came toward me. I came out of the river and he asked "What happened, Govind?"" he said.

The actor said the moment made him rethink what he was doing and reminded him that he still had a reason to live.

"I realised, actually someone said to me this at that time that I was doing something wrong... And I learned a lesson, I realised that I have to live for my children," he said.

Govinda said it took him around 10 to 15 days to come out of that state of mind. With time, he began to feel that there was still more for him to experience and that he had to keep moving forward.

The loss of his mother also changed the way Govinda looked at his career. 

"Films is just like toys for me. I shouldn't say this, I am saying it out of fear of God. Forgive me if I shouldn't be saying this, and if I am offending anyone... But I believe that films, acting, stardom, heroism, all of it, is a manifestation of God. Whatever we have received, we have received from God, and we are simply acting in it. We have seen all of this, and we were able to experience it."

For Govinda, the biggest achievement of his life was not his success as a star but being able to fulfil the dreams his mother had for him.

"But the real achievement for me was that I could serve my family and my mother. I could fulfil all the wishes she had imagined for me, what she had thought my son Govinda would achieve when he turned 21. That was her dream. And I was able to fulfill it. I saw true heroism in that part of my life. That is a very different way of looking at things," he said.

On the work front, Govinda is currently promoting his upcoming film, Roopa.

(With ANI Inputs)