A free fall into the digital abyss. That is what it is for many, many youngsters who are hurtling down unknown alleys in the virtual world, with little regulation and zero parental or adult guidance. What makes it worse is the moral judgment by people who remain oblivious to the digital realities and complexities of that world, simply because they do not inhabit it like its digital natives do.
The deaths by suicide of two young Class X students in Hyderabad, who studied in the same school, within five days of each other, is a stark example of precisely that world. Himanshu (name changed) jumped from the top of his school building on July 19. Five days later, Swara (name changed) jumped from the fifth floor of her residential apartment. Reportedly, Himanshu and Swara were good friends and had been interacting with each other on Instagram. While the school had reprimanded Himanshu for being friends with Swara and called in his mother, Swara was not allowed to attend class after Himanshu's death and was instead told to meet his family - who, unable to process their tragic loss, taunted her to end her life the same way.
Even as I reported the tragic end to the lives of two 15-year-olds, I was disturbed by how presumably well-meaning schools and parents may have unwittingly pushed the youngsters to such extremes because they did not know how to handle the situation. Social media, a free-for-all platform - meant to hold a mirror to society but no one there ever looks into their own ugly reflection - was abuzz with reckless commentary, heartlessly blaming the youngsters, the school and the parents.
Social media's immediate, often judgmental, reactions underscore the problem: "This is the age to focus on studies!"; "Why give phones to kids?"; "Parents are too busy!" These pronouncements miss the point entirely. A senior police officer even rued that schools are no longer as strict as they used to be. Would that have solved the problem? I am not so sure, because the digital world is no longer an optional extra; it is an integral part of our social fabric. And it is by itself capable of causing tremendous emotional turmoil.
As the much-acclaimed OTT series Adolescence starkly depicted, teenagers inhabit complex digital realms that are rife with nuanced emotional currents. We cannot simply ban or restrict what is, for them, a fundamental mode of connection and identity formation. Blaming children for "crossing limits" or demanding they "concentrate on studies", or asking, "is this the age to have a girlfriend/boyfriend" betrays the immaturity of our approach and our refusal to acknowledge that the world has moved far ahead from our antiquated notions of what we would like it to be. It highlights our refusal to admit that the traditional systems that we adamantly cling to are outdated and broken.
At their core, the deaths of Himanshu and Swara lay bare the vulnerabilities of teenagers in a digitally saturated world. For them, Instagram was likely a space of connection, friendship, and emotional exploration - a common, even natural, extension of adolescent social lives today. Yet, when this digital connection was subjected to the judgmental glare of the school and parental anxieties, the outcome was devastating.
This is not merely a tale of two isolated tragedies; it is a stark, heartbreaking indictment of how schools, families and society remain critically ill-equipped to understand, nurture, and protect young minds grappling with the complexities of modern relationships and online interactions. Beyond that, in this particular case, it was disastrous crisis management.
Given the sensitivities involved, I will not go into details of the case, but what the totally avoidable tragedies have drawn our attention to is the need for some open discussion. Schools want to ensure 'discipline' so that inappropriate behaviour doesn't get overlooked and youngsters don't get undesirable role models. But, ever so often, what should be a private reprimand turns into some degree of public shaming, triggering guilt, shame and even anger, all of which has a long-term impact on a child's psyche. What we must recognise and acknowledge is that traditional methods of enforcing discipline or giving warnings can turn into potent triggers for psychological distress, pushing vulnerable teenagers to the brink.
Adolescence is a period of intense self-consciousness, a time when a sense of identity and personality develops, and when social acceptance is more important than anything else. Public shaming of a private teenage friendship, followed by what appears to be a deeply humiliating and reproachful interaction, ended up having catastrophic consequences. Inadvertently, but undeniably, there was toxic moral policing in action.
We need a radical shift in approach. Our schooling framework, instead of serving as a support system, often ends up becoming a source of profound anguish, making the very vulnerable young feel inadequate. The schools fail to grasp the psychological fragility of teenagers and the immense responsibility they carry as institutions to provide nurturing environments where students can feel safe to express themselves, even make mistakes sometimes but with the room to make corrections.
The onus is now on schools to equip educators and other staff with the necessary training in adolescent psychology, mental health first aid, crisis intervention and conflict resolution, particularly concerning digital interactions. Schools must develop clear and compassionate protocols to ensure they respond with empathy, and not judgment or humiliation.
As for parenting, it is not child's play, especially now, when the digital divide is creating deeper schisms in the parent-child dynamic. Often, there is a communication breakdown when a parent hears about an online interaction or friendship for the first time. They are often ignorant about the emotional personalities of their children in the digital realm; they don't know whether their child is a perpetrator, a victim, or a passive witness to bullying and other forms of online abuse.
Parents need to put in the hard work and evolve mentally to have a non-judgmental conversation with their children about their online experiences. Parents need counselling too, to know when to seek professional help and to prioritise emotional well-being over perceived social norms.
The parents must understand that online influences cannot be wished away, specially because of peer dynamics. A blanket 'ban' on devices or screen time more often than not results in resentment and severe backlash from the young.
We must recognise that the digital realm is an integral part of adolescent development, not an unfortunate distraction. We need to invest time and energy to teach children how to build real-world relationships, and create an ecosystem that nurtures emotional well-being.
The onus is also on policymakers to develop clear guidelines for schools regarding digital interactions, ensure adequate resources for mental health support, and make everyone acutely aware of the legal and ethical implications of online shaming and cyberbullying. One would also hope that technology companies would take greater responsibility for how young users are navigating their platforms.
The digital world is here to stay. The untimely deaths of Himanshu and Swara are a wake-up call, demanding that we move beyond denial or simplistic judgments. Otherwise we will continue to fail our most vulnerable, pushing them to unthinkable ends.
(Uma Sudhir is Executive Editor, NDTV)
Disclaimer: These are the personal opinions of the author
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