"Be A Bi**h Or Get An Autoimmune Disease": Why Some Women Are Asking Each Other To Stop Being 'Nice'

Women across Instagram, TikTok and Threads have recently been rallying behind an interesting piece of advice, "Be a bi**h or develop an autoimmune disease."

The phrase is impossible to ignore. Videos carrying the message have clocked millions of views, with women sharing stories about years of suppressing anger, saying yes when they wanted to say no, and putting everyone else's needs ahead of their own.

The Internet's latest slogan argues that chronic people-pleasing doesn't just drain you emotionally; it could eventually make you physically ill.

Why Is This Everywhere

The trend gained momentum after creators began discussing the disproportionately high number of women diagnosed with autoimmune diseases and the reason behind it.

One of the most viral videos of the trend is of Influencer Harpinder Kaur Mann, shares, "Growing up, I was taught that being a 'good' girl meant being agreeable, self-sacrificing, nice, and accommodating.

However, as Dr @gabormatemd shared in his 3-hour talk at the @pasadenacivic centre, the disproportionately high rate of autoimmune diseases in women (nearly 80%) is largely due to cultural conditioning, chronic stress, unexpressed emotions, and putting others' needs before their own.

I've been reclaiming the word bi**h. I'd rather be a bi**h than forced to do something I don't want to do or align with," she posts.

Another widely shared explanation argues that years of emotional suppression, relentless caregiving and people-pleasing keep the body in a prolonged state of stress, eventually contributing to chronic illness.

According to research, nearly 80 per cent of people diagnosed with autoimmune diseases are women. Conditions such as lupus and Sjogren's syndrome affect women at significantly higher rates than men, particularly between the ages of 20 and 50.

Scientists attribute this disparity to a complex combination of genetics, hormones, immune system differences, environmental triggers and, potentially, chronic stress.

Researchers have also linked stress-related disorders with a higher risk of developing autoimmune conditions. However, there is no scientific evidence that simply becoming more assertive prevents or reverses autoimmune diseases.

Boundaries Aren't A Cure

Of course, doctors are not prescribing "being a bitch" as treatment for autoimmune diseases.

But behind the clickbait phrasing lies a conversation that is resonating with thousands of women who are questioning whether constantly being accommodating comes at a cost.

The trend isn't really encouraging women to become rude or hostile. Instead, it is reclaiming a word often used to shame women who establish boundaries. To many online, "being a bitch" simply means saying no without guilt, expressing anger instead of swallowing it, and refusing to make self-sacrifice a personality trait.

Experts agree that prolonged psychological stress can influence the immune system. Chronic stress has long been associated with increased inflammation and changes in cortisol levels, both of which may affect immune function.

However, autoimmune diseases are not caused by a single behaviour. Genetics, hormones, environmental exposures and immune mechanisms all play significant roles.

As one recent report noted, the viral trend reflects genuine frustration more than established medical science. No peer-reviewed study has found that people-pleasing directly causes autoimmune disease or that setting stronger boundaries alone can reverse existing conditions.

In other words, the slogan may oversimplify the science, but it has opened the door to a broader conversation about how women experience stress.

How The Message Resonates With Women

Part of the appeal lies in the fact that many women recognise themselves in it.

From childhood, women are often encouraged to be agreeable, nurturing and accommodating. They are expected to smooth conflicts, absorb emotional labour and keep everyone comfortable. Anger, meanwhile, is often viewed differently when expressed by women than by men.

The Internet has responded by reclaiming words traditionally used to police women's behaviour. If saying "no" earns someone the label of "difficult" or "a bi**h", many women online are beginning to ask whether that is really such a bad thing.

Kaur echoed this sentiment in a widely shared video, saying, "Yoga is teaching us how to be sovereign beings, how to stand up for ourselves, how to stand up for others, how to say no."

She added that many people spend too much energy "focusing on how we look externally to others instead of honouring how we're actually feeling."

Another creator, Tochi Angel, delivered the message far more bluntly, urging women to "step into your inner bi**h", reflecting the increasingly unapologetic tone that has come to define the trend.

What Science Says

While experts agree that healthy boundaries are beneficial, they caution against reducing complex illnesses to a personality flaw.

"There is no question that prolonged stress, emotional suppression, and an inability to set boundaries can contribute to immune dysregulation," says Dr Vishakha Shivdasani, Mumbai-based longevity and disease reversal practitioner to the Nod Magazine.

"But I don't think being a bitch is going to prevent autoimmune disease for anyone."

Instead, she explains that the real issue is chronic self-sacrifice.

"The goal isn't really to become a bitch. It's to develop healthy boundaries, reduce chronic stress, and learn to stand up for yourself."

Autoimmune diseases remain medically complex, and suggesting they can be prevented simply by changing one's behaviour risks placing unnecessary blame on patients who are already navigating difficult diagnoses.

A Cultural Shift

Perhaps that explains why the trend has spread so rapidly.

Many women aren't necessarily looking for medical advice. They are reacting to the emotional truth beneath the slogan.

The discussion taps into years of invisible emotional labour, unequal caregiving responsibilities, workplace expectations and the pressure to remain endlessly pleasant. It also intersects with ongoing conversations around medical misogyny, where women's symptoms have historically been dismissed or diagnosed later than men's.

The viral phrase may exaggerate the medical claim, but it reflects a growing rejection of the idea that women must constantly put themselves last.

And perhaps that's the real reason it has resonated.