First choice: You buy a ticket to Housefull 5. Second choice: You choose between two endings - A or B. But honestly, the only right decision here is Option C: Walk away. Run, even. Save yourself while you still can.
In a cinema landscape that's slowly inching towards more inclusive storytelling and sharper narratives, Housefull 5 feels like a 2009 WhatsApp forward: regressive, stale and completely out of touch.
The latest addition to Sajid Nadiadwala's enduring (and bafflingly successful) franchise is not just bad. It's an insult to the audience's time, intelligence and dignity.
Despite its stellar (read: overcrowded) star cast, its cruise-ship setting, and the buzz around its Rs 300-crore box office haul, the only mystery bigger than the plot itself is: who greenlit this disaster?
When The Joke's On You (And It's Not Funny)
Let's talk about comedy, or rather, attempted comedy. Housefull 5 throws in every tired trope from the 2000s, hoping that something will stick. Spoiler: nothing does.
The film opens with the death of billionaire Ranjeet Dobriyal (played by the eternal lech, Ranjeet), setting off a chaotic inheritance battle on a cruise ship.
But from the get-go, it's clear the jokes aren't just lazy, they're disturbing. One of the earliest "punchlines" involves a female lawyer (Soundarya Sharma) making her entrance in a low-cut dress, only to become the object of a crude visual gag where Shreyas Talpade uses rolled-up paper as binoculars to leer at her as she crosses her legs. It's lewd, juvenile and shockingly tone-deaf for 2025.
In another scene, Sharma drops paper twice, both times positioned to showcase her cleavage.
The Objectification Of Women (Don't Be Surprised)
If there was one performance you felt sorry for, it was Soundarya Sharma's. Or rather, her treatment. Like other members of the female cast (Chitrangda Singh, Jacqueline Fernandez, Nargis Fakhri and Sonam Bajwa), her character isn't just underwritten, it's nonexistent. She isn't given dialogue, growth or purpose. She is simply a prop, a visual aid in the film's never-ending parade of objectification.
The infamous AC vent scene is perhaps the lowest point in this regard. Jacqueline Fernandez, Sonam Bajwa and Nargis Fakhri are shown crawling through the ventilation system - not on their stomachs, as humans naturally would, but on their backs, legs akimbo, so the camera can ogle at their bodies.
It's filmmaking that's so aggressively male-gazey, it feels like a parody of itself. But Housefull 5 doesn't get the irony. It thinks this is humour.
The Theatre Experience
I watched Housefull 5 in a packed theatre. Families. Children. Couples. The works. But here's what struck me: the room was silent. No laughs. No cheers. No gasps. Just dead air and uncomfortable fidgeting. The kind of quiet that seeps in when a collective audience realises - too late - that they've made a horrible choice.
That is, until Bobby Deol enters.
When Bobby showed up in all his glory (in the only decent surprise the film has to offer), the crowd came alive - claps, whistles, the works. For a moment, there was joy. Nostalgia. Relief. But even Bobby couldn't save what came before or after. His appearance was just a stylish band-aid on a gaping wound of a script.
Where's The Script?
Calling this film a "story" is an act of generosity. The plot is a convoluted mess: three men (Akshay Kumar, Abhishek Bachchan, Riteish Deshmukh) each claim to be the rightful heir of a billionaire (Ranjeet), bringing along their "foreign" wives (because nothing screams wealth like white skin, apparently).
Add a fourth son, a parrot, memory-erasing drugs, a murder mystery, and two separate endings, and you've got a film that throws everything at the wall and prays something lands.
Nothing does. The two alternate endings (A and B) are not alternate narratives. They are interchangeable nonsense. That the filmmakers were able to swap murderers without rewriting the setup only proves how little thought was given to character arcs or logic. Everyone is replaceable because no one has depth.
The Great Indian Box Office Paradox
And yet, Housefull 5 is a hit. A massive one. As of its fifth week, it's earned Rs 300 crore at the global box office. It opened strong, breezed past the Rs 100-crore mark in its first week and now stands as Akshay Kumar's biggest hit since Good Newwz in 2019.
Let that sink in. A film with no script, no acting and maximum sexism is laughing all the way to the bank. Is the audience to blame? Are we still laughing at sexist jokes and cleavage gags in 2025? Or are we so starved for 'big releases' that anything with a glossy trailer and ensemble cast will do?
A House Full of Nothing
This is not just a bad film. It's a problematic film. It normalises sexual objectification, reinforces sexist stereotypes, mocks queerness and hides behind the excuse of "harmless fun". It's the kind of film that makes you reflect not just on cinema, but on society too.
Worse, it's not even fun. For a so-called comedy, Housefull 5 offers zero clever humour, zero emotional depth, and definitely zero value for time or money. If anything, it's proof that even Rs 300 crore can't buy taste.
Final Verdict: Don't Watch It
You're given choices with this film. First, whether to watch it at all. Then, to pick Ending A or B. But the best decision you can make? Don't press play. Don't buy the ticket, perhaps.
Because Housefull 5 isn't just another bad Bollywood comedy, it's a reminder of everything the industry needs to unlearn.