There's a moment in And Just Like That, the chaotic, cringe-soaked revival of Sex And The City, when Carrie Bradshaw reveals she's received a blank postcard from Aidan, a man who had recently vanished from her life due to personal issues.
Charlotte reacts with an affectionate "aww." Miranda, ever the realist, cuts in, "Are we getting 'aww' over postcards now?"
A still from And Just Like That
It's played for laughs but the scene cuts deeper than most of the show's plotlines manage to.
Because that "aww", that celebratory gasp over an empty gesture, is where the cultural conversation around bare minimum vs princess treatment begins. And lately, it's everywhere.
The Era Of Crumbs And How We Got Here
The phrase "bare minimum" in relationships has been simmering on social media for years. But the pot truly boiled over when TikTok creator Courtney Palmer, now dubbed the "princess treatment lady", went viral for promoting her version of the "princess treatment".
In her videos, she describes how she never speaks to waitstaff at restaurants, doesn't tie her own shoelaces, and expects her husband to order food on her behalf.
Her intention? To live a "gentle" life that emphasises femininity and lets her husband "lead".
The Internet, predictably, lost it. Her comments were flooded with criticism, some called her views regressive, others found humour in the absurdity.
"Do you bring home a takeout box for Offred?" one user quipped, referencing The Handmaid's Tale.
Suddenly, a new debate had been reignited: what's the bare minimum in relationships and what counts as genuine effort? And where does the idea of princess treatment fit in?
What Even Is The Bare Minimum?
Let's be clear. The bare minimum isn't flowers and compliments, it's basic human decency. It's replying to texts. Being honest. Asking for consent. Remembering your birthday. Saying "I love you" without an agenda.
We're living in an age where burnout, dating fatigue and emotional detachment have created an environment of lowered expectations. Ghosting is common. Conversations are dry. Commitment is rare. So when someone does the bare minimum - texting back, being honest, remembering or making a plan - it feels huge.
But here's the catch: none of those things are grand gestures. They're foundational.
Psychologist Dr Madhubala Verma puts it simply, "If you celebrate the bare minimum, that's all they'll give you."
A kind text from someone who ghosted you for days doesn't make them a romantic. It makes them inconsistent; and you, emotionally starved.
In Verma's words, people can become "so emotionally starved that even the tiniest gesture feels like a precious gift." And that's the tragedy: we've spent so long accepting breadcrumbs, we've forgotten what the meal looks like.
The Rise (And Risk) Of The Princess Treatment
So, what about princess treatment? Is it all just pastel-coded patriarchy? Not quite.
For many, it's simply a way of describing romantic gestures: thoughtful surprises, protective instincts, loving consistency. It's about feeling adored and prioritised.
At its best, princess treatment can be a partner making thoughtful plans, opening doors or buying you your favourite dessert because they remembered your bad day. It's love, dressed up with intention.
A still from Business Proposal.
But at its worst? It becomes performance over partnership. It demands helplessness from women and dominance from men. It's less about being treated like royalty and more about giving up autonomy.
As therapist Ashima Srivastava warns, "There's a difference between calmly expressing what you need and acting like you're powerless just to keep your partner happy."
Femininity, Masculinity, And The 'Soft Life' Trap
Courtney Palmer describes her approach as a "gentle way of living". And for many women, that sounds tempting, especially in a world where we're exhausted from doing it all. The soft life, tradwife aesthetics and princess-core fantasy have surged precisely because modern womanhood can be overwhelming.
But this return to "traditional femininity" also hinges on one dangerous assumption: that submission equals safety. And that masculinity is only valid when it comes with control.
A still from Goblin
What began as a conversation about romantic effort has turned into a referendum on gender roles. Can men be masculine while respecting boundaries? Can women be soft without being silenced? These are the real questions at the heart of the princess treatment debate.
The answer isn't to reject romance. It's to stop mistaking basic respect and kindness for romance. There's a difference between someone giving you flowers because they adore you and someone doing it once a year to avoid an argument.
"Never, Ever Be Grateful For The Bare Minimum"
In February, UK Labour MP Jess Phillips summed it up best during a talk on feminism: "Never, ever be grateful for the bare minimum."
The quote took off like wildfire, not just in political circles, but on X (formerly Twitter), Reddit threads, Instagram reels. It became a rallying cry for every woman who'd ever said "thank you" when a man didn't cheat.
Because deep down, we all know: decency isn't a gift. And love shouldn't feel like emotional charity.
Stop Applauding What's Expected
"He texted me back!"
"He said I looked pretty!"
"He called me!"
"He made time for me!"
"He remembered to buy me flowers on my birthday!"
We've all heard it. Maybe even said it. But as one viral tweet joked: "That's not romance. That's not a win. That's literally the law."
When we glorify the bare minimum, we set the standard lower, not just for others, but for ourselves. We teach ourselves to get excited over scraps. We reward minimal effort with maximal praise.
The Right One Won't Feel Like You're "Begging"
Madhubala Verma says, "The right partner won't leave you questioning your worth. You won't have to twist your values into performative helplessness, or beg for love that feels consistent."
They'll plan dinner not for applause, but because they want to spend time with you. They'll tie your shoes only if your ankle's twisted, not because you've made yourself incapable. You won't have to script your silence to let them speak.
Because the right one? "They do all that and more naturally," she adds.
Final Verdict
Whether you're a Carrie, a Charlotte, or (hopefully) a Miranda, one truth remains: don't fall in love with the idea of being treated well; be treated well.
Don't romanticise the basics. Don't settle for crumbs. And definitely don't confuse a blank postcard for poetry.
Because love isn't about being saved or served, it's about showing up for each other. Not just in flowers or texts, but in effort, empathy and equality.
The debate about bare minimum vs princess treatment asks women to raise their standards. And then wait for someone who meets them without flinching.