Tears do not come easily into my eyes. They don't find their way easily to my heart either. Too difficult, I am. And yet, on June 26, 2009, when at the moment I reached my workstation, my manager told me that Michael Jackson had passed away, it took but only a few minutes for my eyes to moisten. Unbelievable it was - I simply could not believe my ears. I could not imagine a world without Michael Jackson.

It was not because I am really into music, or because I have grown up listening to his soulful voice and his words uttered with inexplicable feelings - for I feel even if I had not been into music, his melodies have the power to reach even those who lacked feeling and meaning in many ways. The sounds he created, the music he made and the moves he so magically silhouetted were just, simply astonishing and beautiful. Be it the moon walk, or the ease and charisma with which he could go round several times on his toes, or the way he would suddenly stop and his hands would up after flinging his white shirt back, with an "Aaeow!" - it seems  that those beats will never come back. Or even if they do, it won't be MJ anymore.

When one comes to think of it, it is amazing how the entire world had fallen in love with Michael Jackson. And is still. From 'Billie Jean' to 'We are the World', from Beat It to 'Bad', from 'Black or White' to 'Jam', from 'Remember the Time' to 'A Stranger in Moscow', from 'Smooth Criminal' to 'Speechless', from 'Thriller to Heal the World', from 'Gonna be startin' something' to 'The way you make me feel' - each and every time, almost all his albums have broken records. They have brought in new styles, new graphic creations in the videos, his performances have left audiences craving for more. And yet, there was no end that one had imagined for him. Certainly not an end like this, and certainly not an end at this age.

Over the last few years, Michael Jackson's name has been dragged in and out of controversies. Nobody knows whether they were true or false - just surmise remains. I, for one, will stick to believing that the accusations were untrue. No matter what one thinks, I would like to believe so.

We had all been waiting for his last concert where he said he would be performing for his fans, for the last time. I, perhaps would not have been able to see him live, but would have certainly not missed a recording. But, however, nevertheless... what can one say?

Now, it is all history. A history that one would never like to forget. The fact that I am writing these words here, seems so improbable, that it's almost unbelievable. A word, that I began my piece with - unbelievable. For some strange reason, the distance between me and the acceptance is hardly getting stitched closer. It's as far apart as my eyes and the tears were, a few days back.

When a senior colleague of mine asked me to write a blog about Michael Jackson yesterday, I told her - "I don't think I'll ever be able to write anything about him." And today, when after luncheon, I saw his image in the newspaper, I wanted to scribble down something, I am ending up writing only about myself. I guess, I still feel as if I haven't yet got to writing anywhere, anything about someone, whom I think to be my all time idol.

Life is strange. It is unpredictable. And many ask that if life is so unplanned (blame it on poor God), what is the meaning of dreams? Hopes - where do they reside? How do they come true? But I say - that because life is so precarious, ever changing, the answers lie in our dreams, in our hearts. Because death cannot reach them. And memories live in them forever. They don't die.

So, even though MJ is far, we still remember how we would want to learn his break dancing moves, his moon walk, his songs, his music after school hours - and how when we wouldn't get the steps right, we would go back home and watch the videos time and again and only end up crying too (forgetting about the dance steps completely) - seeing him onstage, crying while he speaks these words at the end of the song 'Will you be there', while the choir at the back sings the chorus softly:

In our darkest hour
In my deepest despair
Will you still care?
Will you be there?
In my trials
And my tribulations
Through our doubts
And frustrations
In my violence
In my turbulence
Through my fear
And my confessions
In my anguish and my pain
Through my joy and my sorrow
In the promise of another tomorrow
I'll never let you part
For you're always in my heart...

Yes, man turns to dust and yet remembrance keeps him alive. Michael Jackson will live in our hearts forever and ever. He cannot die. He will never die.