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Q: Shruti Dongre from Mumbai India asks
I have a five year old son and am expecting my second baby in August. Now my son is continously keep saying that his sister is going to come home in August. I really dont understand how to make him understand that the baby can be a girl or a boy. Please advice
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A: Kavita says: Dear Shruti, Congratulations!
Please try and tell him stories about babies and how it is a "surprise" for everyone that it is a girl or a boy. These have an indirect but definite impact rather than only directly telling him.
I wonder why he wishes for a sister? It is wise to gently ask him over a period of time why he feels this and then without directly contradicting him, help him to understand with examples that many families have siblings of both sexes. Also encourage him to think of what he might be able to do/play with a boy AND/Or a girl sibling.
All you can do is prepare and be confident that this is not a big problem, if either one comes along. He will take the cue from you and be prepared for either, However, he may not actually start saying that if he wishes for a sister....So please do not insist that he says it repeatedly..
Just make sure you are calm and reassuring when you talk about the alternative and i am sure after the birth he will cope better than you anticipate right now!
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Q: mansee from India/Jaipur asks
hello dr.I m a 21 yr old girl and have completed my graduation. My problem is that I m extremely consious and unconfident person.i consulted a doctor and he gave me sleeping pills but a family doc. advised me against it. now I ll be going to a management college where i ve to give a GD n interview.I m so nervous just by thinking about it that sometimes I think of cancelling it. im also not very comfortable in a co ed environment but after putting so much efforts I dont want to quit.Please help me.
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A: Kavita says: Dear Mansee, First of all, many young people face this problem. You are not alone.
1. I am glad you are seeking help because the first step is to acknowledge that there is a problem.
2. The next step is to figure out what makes you anxious in the particualr situation, only test anxiety?, or anticipation of failure ? or being in an unfamiliar social situation?
3. Be aware of what makes you anxious, study the thoughts you get in such situations and try to slowly face them.
4. Make yourself go through some of the anxiety provokeing situations slowly . You will find that the level of anxiety decreases slowly when you repeatedly expose yourself to a varied environment that challenges you.
5. Reframe your thoughts. " I am not confident in an abc situation only " rather than " i am an "underconfident person".
6.Find the situations that you are confident in and dwell on them Give yourself positive feedback when you manage to do something.
7. Take the help of a neutral person/friend/therapist/counsellor to take you through the above process and to encourage you to make changes.
All the best!
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Q: pannaga from bangalore asks
i am studying engineering which i am not interested, am doing only coz of my father, i dont feel like going to college. plz help me to face this problem.
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A: Kavita says: Dear P,
If you are in engineering, you are quite intelligent for starters.If you are doing it under duress, as you say, it must be because you feel it is better to do this than oppose your family. Well, sometimes it works out well especially if it is a professional degree like engineering. It doesnt close any doors. You can easily combine it with other skills to change your line of work later in life. Please speak about this to the elders of your family and/or your teachers who will be able to guide you what may be best for you.Changing careers midway is not only a possibility today but also more acceptable than it used to be. So maybe getting a good basic degree is a good idea.All the best.
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